About Time

Recently, someone asked me how I think about the remaining time in my life. Not because of anything immediate or impending - just as part of conversation of how we use our time, and whether or not we can truly make it more productive. 

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We were talking about a book I’d recently read, Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman. Burkeman posits that our modern drive for productivity and efficiency and managing our time and seeking work-life balance are all motivated by our subconscious recognition that our lives are finite. As we try to reckon with the diminishing amount of time we have left, we try harder to make the most of that time, trying to get it all done so we can spend the bulk of our remaining time in leisure and peace.
 
Which led to the question, if we’re all trying so hard to be more productive and efficient, following all the latest trends and using all the latest time management tools to get more done – and even actually becoming more productive and efficient – why don’t we feel like we have more time to do “other stuff”? I put that last bit in quotes, as I think part of the problem for many of us is that we’re procrastinating about that stuff. We’ll take that trip/visit our friends/read that book/go to that yoga class when we have more time, but right now we have too much on our plate. Once we get on top of all that, we’ll have the time for other stuff.
 
Aye, there’s the rub. The more we try to get on top of things, the more things we have to do and time for other stuff remains tantalizingly just out of reach. And time does not stop for us – we keep getting older, the world continues to change, and that time we keep expecting to have for other stuff gets shorter and shorter. Indeed, we don’t even know how much shorter, as that inevitable last day is completely unknown and beyond our control.
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So, how do I think about the remaining time in my life? I think I was asked this because I give a good impression of having things under control – of being on top of things, and perhaps also of being content. For the former, while I’m pleased that I may appear unperturbed, it belies the ongoing effort in both being and appearing to have things under control. Like the proverbial duck, I’m madly paddling but to others I appear to be peacefully floating. The mad paddling involves a strong work ethic, clever use of my strengths, smarts, and experience, and sticking to my principles while acknowledging and appreciating those of others. It’s not a magic formula, just a good mixture of grit and grace.
 
Not so long ago, contentment was not how felt, and likely not how I would have been described. The lessons of the past few years and decades, and a gentle reckoning with my advancing age, have brought me to a state of, well, contentment. Life is not perfect – there can always be a few less pounds on me, a few more dollars in the bank, things (or perhaps less things) to make life more comfortable – but it is perfect enough for me. Work, home, family, love, friends, health – all of these are just right. Lately, when someone asks me how I am, I frequently use the adjectives “terrific” and “excellent” because that’s truly how I feel (although most times I then knock wood and hope I haven’t just tempted fate).
 
An important and significant truth is that time goes by – nothing can be done about that – so spending that time wisely is important, especially as we have less and less of it each and every day. That’s not meant to be morbid, nor a call to be cavalier about the way one lives. This is not about carpe diem or hedonism or live as if today were your last day. We can’t know when that last day will be – if we treat today like it’s our last and complete everything, what do we do when we wake up tomorrow? What we can do is leave each day such that, in case it is the last one, it will have been good enough. 
 
Another book I read recently is The Order of Time by Carlo Rovelli. Part physics, part philosophy, Rovelli presents a history of time – how we measure it and what it means to us. While it can be a bit heavy on the physics in places, Rovelli offers some of the same perspectives as Burkeman – that it’s not how much time you have, it’s what you do with it that matters. From Rovelli: “The best grammar for thinking about the world is that of change, not permanence. Not of being, but of becoming.”
 
We are all works in progress, always. We’re the worst examples of projects because we can never be finished in any kind of planned way, and certainly not finished on time. The best we can do is our best, in every day and every way, to be good enough. We get to decide what we mean by “good”, and also what is “enough”.
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So, how do I think about my remaining time? When asked about it that day, I gave a few examples (I hope they were useful to that person). When I got home, I jotted them down and then thought a bit more about it, arriving at this short list of guiding principles.

• Recognizing that there is always a choice to be made, and accepting the outcomes of my own choices. Even when they are difficult or unpopular or misunderstood (or even dis-understood), I make those choices and I’m good with them. Perhaps the consequences are not what I expect or want – or may seem to me darn right unfair. Choices may feel like a dilemma – where neither option seems desirable – but it’s still me that decides and chooses. I’m content with the freedom of being able to make those choices and make the outcomes a part of my life. This isn’t “do whatever I want”, but perhaps includes “don’t do what I don’t want”. And it’s not about no regrets, just about acceptance.
• Focus on the present – and a bit of the future – rather than the past (at least not much, anyway). Our past can help us with the future – lessons learned, reconciliations to make, memories that guide our future choices – but it can’t be changed so dwelling on it is pointless. I don’t believe in holding grudges. I like reminiscing and rehashing, even revisiting in the light of new information, but not ruminating. I don’t want to be stuck in the past. I do believe in forgiving (but not forgetting) and bygones, which to me focus on the future rather than the past, but as with point number one, I can still choose to leave things – situations, relationships – in the past without any future. (This is related to being purposeful.)
• Make realistic plans, and be okay with changing them. This was specifically in response to the idea of a “bucket list”. I heard recently: “Expectation is the killer of joy and the thief of peace…”, which resonated with my own belief. When we make a great, big list of all the places we want to go and things we want do before we die, especially without any specific plan to actually do them, to me we’re being unrealistic and likely setting ourselves up for disappointment. When things exceed expectations, I’d like to be grateful and joyous rather comparing it to my list or already looking for the next thing.
• Gratitude. I know this is a very buzz-wordy thing, but for me it’s very true. I know how fortunate and privileged and blessed I am to have my work, home, family, love, friends, health, to be who I am and where I am in this world. When I get to tell someone that I’m feeling great or doing “excellent”, I’m truly grateful to be able to say that. And I didn’t get here on my own. I’m grateful to everyone in my life – past, present, and future – who is a part of my story. And I make a point of expressing that whenever I can. That, and…
• Love. Saying “I love you” to all my loves, telling the people that matter to me that they do, is the beginning, middle, and end of the recipe. Without this, none of the rest matters.

 
As this piece will accompany the start of my third year of newslettering, to all of you subscribers and gentle readers, to friends old and new, to those I know well and those I’ve yet to meet, thank you for being a part of my story. I love that I’m able to be a part of yours.
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What about you – how do YOU think about your time? What are some of your priorities and principles? Please comment below or email me at [email protected] with your questions and feedback. 

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